Defining Success
Success is defined by the Mirriam-Webster dictionary as: “a favorable or desired outcome also: the attainment of wealth, favor or eminence.” I sometimes feel like reading the definitions of words makes them more complicated. I did indeed have to look up eminence after reading this definition, which means: “a position of prominence or superiority”.
I think the latter definition is how most of us define success. It is purely wealth, fame, or status. Not only do we define success this way, but we have been brainwashed to crave it, strive for it, and reach it at all costs. We collectively admire people who have achieved success and we rarely question how they got there. Then we make success this ever elusive feeling that we will one day gift ourselves once we have x amount of money in the bank, or x amount of followers on Instagram, or x title at x company.
I have 100% fallen into this trap. I feel like if I didn’t get the outcome I wanted (back to the first definition of success) then I failed. Plain and simple. While this is my initial thought, I am trying to embrace the idea that we can create our own definitions of success. Our unique definitions of success can be based on our own values and true desires. I believe that until we define success for ourselves we will never really feel it. If we choose to define it as money and fame that is okay! I think we should then just know why that means success to us. If the answer is simply because society says so, that’s probably insufficient and a sign that there is another definition for you.
About 5 years ago I started to get very enmeshed in the world of spirituality. I was surprised by how good I felt when I embraced a spiritual life. I grew up in a very conservative part of California, which is the home to a few evangelical Christian megachurches. In high school many of my peers went to these churches and it was actually cool to love God. My household however, was progressive and very liberal. I found myself disliking any form of religion and was not trying to get close to any sort of God. I say all this to explain that I was the last person I thought who would become deeply spiritual. But once I did my whole life changed.
When I first started to learn about spirituality, one of the first concepts I learned is the ego. I recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle if you’re just starting out, as this book gives a great explanation of the ego. The ego is essentially a part of us that is all about self-preservation. It is the prehistoric part of our brain that keeps us on guard and worried that we will run out of food even in 2020. It sends us to buy mass amounts of toilet paper and Kleenex, or weigh every single worse case scenario in our mind before we do anything different. It’s not a bad part of us unless we let it control everything. When we live from ego we feel distant, guarded, fearful, and isolated.
What I have come to realize is that the way we define success usually comes from our ego. In my case, my ego says that if I didn’t make a ton of money or receive a ton of praise, something was a waste of time. And honestly if I assess my life by these measures I have wasted my time. It sucks feeling this way. I also know deep down that success doesn’t mean these things to me.
I’m at a crossroads in my life where on paper I feel unsuccessful. I know that to many people this seems bizarre, but this is how I feel. I see peers who have spent years in corporate jobs who have earned amazing titles, influencers who have made millions of dollars, and of course tech prodigies who have started multiple companies at my age. I’ve woken up the past few months feeling like such a failure. How could I not have reached my potential? How could I not be farther along? Where did the time go?
All of these thoughts are there, but when I really look at my life I have been successful. When I define success from my heart/soul/spirit, or whatever you want to call it, the definition is this: creating real and loving relationships while experiencing as much of life as I can. And also spending as much time by the ocean as possible. Seriously this is a big part of success for me. I love the ocean.
According to this definition, I have been successful. I have the most genuine, caring, and loving relationships. The love I have for the people in my life is real. It is of course messy and challenging at times but it’s true, loyal, and sincere. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that. I have also had the privilege of experiencing more life in the past 5 years than I could have ever imagined. I’ve spent months living in the rainforest, catching poison dart frogs, and snorkeling among coral reefs. I moved to Colombia and lived with a host family for 6 months. This family is now my second family and I love them. I learned a new language and now can speak Spanish with such ease that it still surprises me. I moved to San Francisco, worked at a tech company, and ran by the Golden Gate Bridge every day. This was a dream I’ve had since I was a child and would visit the city with my family. I moved to Panama City, Panama and worked for an international NGO. I’ve traveled to some of most remote parts of Panama and visited with indigenous tribes. I moved to Buenos Aires, Argentina and tried to start my own business. This is still a work in progress but I’m so glad I tried and will keep trying! I have also lived within walking distance of the ocean for the overwhelming majority of the past 5 years. I have been able to take weekly dips in the ocean for most of my young adult life. I am really lucky and really successful.
When I think about all of the amazing people I have met, connections I have made, friendships I have cultivated, and learning experiences I have had, I can’t believe I spend any of my precious thoughts wishing things were different. Now that I can define success in a true way I realize this. I know that my definition of success will change and it’s changing now. It is becoming this: put my heart and soul into everything I do and create an earth-loving business that helps the world and makes people (myself included) very happy. With this new definition I know my priorities will change, but I am choosing to change them according to my personal values. I’m still pursuing my version of success, rather than someone else’s.
Now I want to know what is your definition of success?