The Joy Experiment: October 2, 2020
On this beautiful day of October 2, 2020 I am starting a joy experiment. I have spent a lot of my life prioritizing things other than joy and I want to spend the next year changing that.
What does joy mean to me?
What does it look like to serve my joy above all else?
What happens when I do things just because they are joyful?
Can following joy really guide us to our purpose?
These are all questions I want to explore. From an early age most of us are indoctrinated to think that life should be hard. Myself included. I feel like when things are really great it means the worst case scenario is right around the corner. I also used to think that every part of my life couldn't thrive at once. If friends or relationships were amazing it meant another area of life would be lacking. I know this isn't true, but it's a belief I had to work to change.
Brene Brown talks about how feeling our joy is a vulnerable act. When we feel joy, we are surrendering to this wonderful feeling of aliveness and goodness. But underneath it, is a knowing that it will go away. This can be terrifying and leaves us vulnerable and afraid. I believe that to fully own and experience our feelings is a radical, brave act. It is easier to be apathetic or indifferent in life. There is less risk, but also less reward.
The desire to embark on this experiment is motivated by one of the more difficult times of my life. I have spent the past few months feeling unmotivated, very sad, neurotic, and disappointed. Of course globally it is a very challenging time, but I believe finding our joy is even more necessary in dark times. I want to not only find my joy, but know it is my trusted friend. It won't disappear when shit hits the fan or things don't turn out as planned.
Things have done nothing but not turn out as planned for myself, and I imagine most of us, this year. At the end of 2019, I decided I wanted to start a business. I would start an eco-friendly swimsuit line that would make gorgeous apparel while saving the planet. I found a business accelerator and decided that it would be the perfect opportunity for me to launch this idea into the world. The program is based in Chile and I dream of starting a business in Latin America, so I figured this was my shot. I applied once and was not accepted at the start of 2020, but was encouraged to apply for the next round. I assummed once I was accepted into this program everything in my life would fall into place. I dreamed of what my life would be like this year. I googled neighborhoods in Santiago, visualized my apartment, and dreamt of my business taking off in no time at all. None of this happened yet and I'm living at home again feeling like that dream is so far away. I realized however that I never felt good while I was preparing to apply for this program or when I worked on my business. I treated myself kind of like a workhorse that needed to be whipped into shape. Not surprisingly, I felt anxious, full of doubt, and mostly unhappy.
This is the reason for the emphasis on joy. What is the point of doing all of these things that don't bring us joy? Because we think eventually we'll have the title, the business, the body, the partner, etc. that will bring us joy? Maybe, but is there a better way where we can actually like the process and feel good most of the time even if we haven't reached our goals yet? Can I begin again and work on my business from a joyful place rather than a heavy, frantic one? I think yes and I want to find out.
Okay, so what does the joy experiment mean? It means simply maximizing my joy every single day. I will wake up in the morning and ask what would bring me the most joy today? The things that do bring me joy will be non-negotiable: coffee and silence in the morning, deep talks with friends, intellectual stimulation from books, and time in nature. I don't have to do all of these things everyday, but I will do as many as I can. If a task is unavoidable and has to get done, I will ask, how can I be joyful while I do this? I will explore new joyful things! I don't know what that looks like but I am staying open to new possibilities for joy.
Currently I am not working a corporate job, but I am looking for one. This is a major part of the experiment too. I want a job that brings me joy! It doesn't mean I expect everyday to be a party, but I want to imagine doing my job and feel joyful. No more dreading my day to day work tasks. I want to show up fully me at work and feel like it is a joy to do my job.
I am starting the joy experiment today because today is a very special day. Today is my Dad's birthday. He passed away almost 6 years ago. Losing him was the most challenging and emotionally devastating experience of my life. My dad was my favorite person. I can hardly explain it, but adjusting to life without him in it was so heartbreaking. My dad remains the most important person in the world to me and today he would have turned 70.
I miss him and love him just the same today as the day he passed. Our love is eternal and I find joy in my everlasting connection with him. He was a very joyful person too. Of course we all have our bad days, but overall he was naturally so joyful. He would sing in the grocery store (to my great embarrassment back in the day), greet others with a smile, and find the humor in even tough situations. One of his famous quotes was, "Sean, I don't waste time thinking about things I can't control or change". A legend.
I want to prioritize my joy so I can appreciate this dear life for myself and for him.
So joy, I'm all in. Let's begin!